symphony of sickness


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These are the words that have confused, horrified
and hopefully enlightend the people that have heard them.


Forever I walk among the ignorant
Each day I grow more intolerant
You all have become insignificant
I feel completely indifferent

Razorblade release
I put you out of my misery
Soon to be deceased
You are all dead to me

A shovel covered in mud
A shovel stained with blood
A freshly dug grave in the rain
The final end to years of pain

A murder for lust, a murder for greed
A murder for no reason at all
Day after day, night after night
One by one, you all fall

With a sharp crack, the lights go out
A heavy thud as the body hits the floor
A trail of blood is left across the room
and out the fucking door...

THIS WAS YOUR LIFE (quickly ruined)

You didn't listen, you didn't see
You haven't learned anything from me
You wasted my time
You ruined your life
Now it's all over
with the slice of a knife

This was your life-quickly ruined
This was your life-now it's gone

Consuming apathy has come over you
Even love of your friends
could not get through to you
I saw you slipping away
further into your fantasy land
So sure you were right, but now
you're holding Death's hand

This was your life-quickly ruined
This was your life-now it's gone


(lyrics by Bloodstain/Ian, vocals by Ian)

Twisted visions

Haunting Screams

Wrapped in sheets

Buried six feet deep

Thoughts in my head

Bleed into dreams

I'm killing them,

I'm killing me

Most of them die

few barely survive

But everyone's alive

when I open my eyes

Battered flesh

Broken bones

Burn in hell

All alone

Put the knife between the ribs

Feel the heart slowly die

Bleeding out

Fade away

This is a nightmare

I cannot wake up

This is all real

I thought I was asleep

Important but invisible, necessary but overlooked
Forgotten until it's too late...taking up space
Eating food and breathing air
Getting smaller and smaller and smaller
Signifigance has turned to "in"
The colors fade the flavor is gone
Dried out, torn up
I'm thrown away!
It doesn't matter anymore...
Circumstantial execution of personality
A hardend shell with all the soft interior
drained out
A figurehead, an idea, a memory
is all that remains
the true meaning is gratefully lost
Screams, pleading words fall on deaf ears
The face contorts, the mouth forming
a silent "O" of horror
Nothing left to do but lose consciousness
and hope tomorrow will be different...
and hope for tomorrow....

(every day more and more people are beginning to realize
that their christian god is just a myth. People are becoming angry
and with no deity to take the blame for their troubles they take
their frustrations out on each other)
I feel your heel upon my neck
I feel your whip across my back
I hear your words, they sting my ears
I hide my face, you're not worth my tears
(severe depression is often the sign of a troubled mind)
I am drowning in your pain
My own needs pushed aside again
I am beaten with your verbal fist
When I'm gone, I won't be missed
This is just a game we play....
....well, I don't want to play anymore


We stand on the eve of destruction
We are the living dead
We are the source of fear
and delusions in your head
This is a living nightmare
Only you can hear my voice
I tell you what to say
and take away your choice
You look into our eyes
and see that nothing's there
We all are soulless demons
and the cause of all despair
You live for your fucking saviour
but know, he is not mine
Your "god" is merely a legend
Your entire life is a lie
We'll see your body broken
We'll tear out your insides
You're just a future carcass
and you're on borrowed time
I'll live inside your head
I'll be your rotten twin
You'll never be alone
in this sordid life of sin

TRUTH (stunted evolution)
Go ahead and try to force your will upon us
We need a good laugh anyway...
You couldn't even begin to understand our
state of mind. Risen to levels of consciousness
that far exceed that of the trivial world.
Evolutionary steps were taken while you sleep
in front of your T.V.
Opened minds and strong bodies, yes, we do
possess a basic understanding of life and nature,
The balances that are needed and the knowledge
of things that are not.
The power to make imagination and fantasy a reality
and realizing that reality is only how you percieve it
Life can be what you want it to be, you must make it
so and it is possible. We know this to be an everyday
Realization is what we offer, don't be afraid.
There is a world waiting to be exploited.

My world today is fading away
it cannot stay
the sky has turned grey
I begin to see
what's happening to me
there's nothing inside
today I died
A tormented life, emotionally deceased
my post-mortem soul now lies in peace
today I died

You can't touch me, I'm too far above you
A god in your eyes, a god in my eyes
A clever mind speaks important lies
A figure of father, a virginal mother
A son that's a saviour, a fallen dark brother
Personal guidelines, a fairy tale
You live for this story, a mind for sale
Abstinence grant you the key to heaven, deny the pleasures of sin
A means of controlling the mindless masses
Stray from the flock and the Devil steps in
I can see you, I know what you're doing
You pray for forgiveness, then do it again
A god of convienence is what you're after
Spill your dark secrets to an eager listener
Put your faith in pain to a god of suffering
A reward of eternal pleasure beyond deaths' the offering
(live version only: "God was created in mans image,
but we don't need him anymore")
If pleasure is sin, then I ask you: what awaits in heaven?
More of the same as here, I expect
So why deny yourself of what you can attain in this life by your own means?
I have put a hole in your god, I have fucked the hole in your god

I am every Hell you have ever feared, I am every nightmare you have ever had,
every hope and dream gone horribly wrong
I will crawl down inside the very depths of you
And pull out your soul and show it to you
I will show you what torture is, I will kill all that is good
I can maim and destroy all I want
I am Blasphemy personified, I am Evil
I can show you what real pain is, I will come...
You say that you love your saviour
I can bring you closer to god
Bring out the nails, I'll crucify you, I'll pierce your side
I will watch you as you're bleeding, I will see you die
Come inside to my chamber, I can show you agony
Peel the skin back, watch the blood flow, I am your Hell
I want to kill you and dismember you, I want to see you die
Pull your insides out, stuff your eyeballs in
I want to see you as a rotting corpse
You may think I'm not capable of doing all that I said
But just watch, all my knives are sharp, I will slide them in
I want to cut you, I want to feel you from the inside
You will feel me deep inside you, I will become what's left
This is a side you never wanted to see
It is my dream to crucify you, I want to show you what suffering is
We have eternity to know your flesh, and this is only the beginning
You opened the Box and we came for you, no one has ever escaped
The cold steel sticks through your tepid flesh, we want to see your blood spraying
Vivisection, desecration, evisceration, I want it all done
I want to climb deep inside you
I will kill you, this you can believe, I will destroy all that you are
Deface you, I will deter you, and know all that you are
I will crawl down inside (of you)
I will end your life
I will see the end of you
Lacerations, bleeding flesh
I will crawl down inside of you, I will pull out your eyes
Cut your fingers off and caress myself, I want to feel your cold dead touch
Necrophelia in the darkness, we want to feel your cold dead body...

With words sharp as razors I bite off your head
I won't be satisfied until every last one is dead
My bloodlust is matched by my growing contempt
When I hit my speed not one is exempt
My cold black heart hangs dead in my chest
To me you're just a piece of shit like the rest
Here in my eyes lies an acidic gaze
in my mind, an inferno to set the world ablaze
Words alone cannot articulate my loathing for the human race
My satisfaction lies in your absence from the Earths face
Blasting away, turning bodies into meat
Planetary barbeque for Hells' Demons to eat

Who is the man with the blackened out eyes?
He walks alone quietly fabricating lies.
The world sees him differently than he sees himself
for there is only bland shallowness in everyone else.
He is quite lost in a world of his own,
a place filled with thoughts of creatures unknown.
He may suddenly speak in rhyme or in verse
on subjects of blood or topics perverse.
Then fall again silent with an introverted gaze,
and no one can see behind his eyes that glaze.
He twitches and picks at the clothes that he wears
and occasionally stops to have a taste of his hair.
Could he be drunk or high on LSD?
Nobody one but me...
I'm not afraid like you so I don't wear a disguise.
What you see is who I am. An odd combination of the
wolf and the lamb.
I walk through this life with a curious mind.
Every night, something new to find.
For over a quarter of a century I have existed in this body of flesh.
I dream of things, my future to come.
And what will I dream of when those things are done?
No way to know except live on and see what lies ahead and where I will be.
I exist on more than one plane of existance.
I live in the physical world and I am the destroyer
in the dream world.
This is what I have done to myself, for myself.
This is what cannot be undone.


 I won't accept your ways of hypocrisy
I cannot believe what you say to me
Your God and Jesus, they both are a lie
No one will see their faces when they die
The Bastard son and his mother the whore
The words of Christ, I will always ignore
I live in a place called "reality"
Keep your superstitions far away from me
Gullible idiots, you think Jesus saves?
With guilt and fear they will turn you to slaves
Give up your money and all your free time...
Why can't you see religion's organized crime?
I'll put a knife through your sacred heart
Defame the bible in the name of art
I want God erased from history
Your book of lies means nothing to me
They come to my home, they knock on my door
They say they bring the word of the Lord
Annoying nuisance, always ringing the bell
(repeat chorus)
Invert the crucifix, I reject your faith
I wear the Baphomet, invoke unholy wraith
You claim that Satan demands sacrifice
But those who would not convert paid the price
The mass genocide they called the Crusades
Defenseless heathens fell on Christian blades
They say that God is love, but he'll take your soul
for the crime of being human, to infernal hell hole!
(repeat chorus)
A savage creature with the face of a Gent
He'll destroy your trust with no repent
He'll steal your life, He'll control your mind
Peace and safety have been left far behind
Satan is the best friend that the church ever had
The threat of punishment if you are "bad"
The cause of damnation for which they search
will ensure they get their asses to church
The seven deadly sins all lead to pleasure
The depths of temptation you cannot measure
I cannot see why I should not give in
to the auspicious rapture provided by SIN.


written by Roni Jones.

My life is a tormented whisper that can only shout the obscenities that my mind wants to hear
The darkness that licks my lips and caresses my body seem to molest me in my eternal state of solitude
Everlasting paranoid images engulf my present body like a moth in a flame
The burning inside me keeps me alive as I waste away into your nothingness
Thousands of hands touching me
Eyes burning holes into me as I writhe and wrap myself around your mind
I seep into your consciousness and bleed on your impure thoughts
Only to infest you with my entirety and make you want me for the creature that I am
I see you in my blindness now yearning and pulsating as I tear you apart from the inside out
Your breathe ceases and I can feel your heart begin to slow
You scream with all that you are worth, yet you are alone and there is no one to hear you
Except me
But you can't see me
You can only feel me
I touch your face and lick the crimson liquid from your mouth
The warmth turns my cold body against me and I quiver in the flesh I call my own
I rip your lips with mine
Tearing away the scent from my lips
The darkness encompasses me like a plague that I can not escape
I cover my eyes as I feel the needles that I call disease bite at my naked appendages
I fall to the ground next to your now decaying corpse
Where there once was life
Death reigns and holds true
I touch my face and spread the juices I have taken from you
I taste the succulent form of my fingers
I let my tongue desecrate my own self
Loathing surfaces and my vulnerability is now known to those who once lay before me begging to be released from the sadistic anticipation I hung over their bowed frames
I am intrigued by the null void I seem to have fallen into
I raise my broken form from the pavement
I look once more at your poetic being
Just laying there so still and disheveled
I turn and walk slowly towards the growing moon that has spread its life across the midnight black sky
Its lumination seems almost to contrast against the dark blanket it stands against
So harsh is the nights sky I must close my eyes to see
Images and faces appear and I wail with the disgust it brings to my thoughts
I shiver against the cold wind as my skin crawls with your memories
Once again I lay down and face the pavement
I lick the ground that is now alive beneath my vessel
So desolate and shallow
My breathe quickens then ceases almost to suddenly
I see you once again
This time, in this light, so beyond any comparison, I must turn away from you now and face my own destiny
Goodbye my stranger I whisper
I turn and face my misfortune
I see the faces of the souls I once held power over
So unsteady am I, that I crash into the fiery walls and lie still until their invisible auras surround me and suffocate me
With my last look I see myself
How beautiful I was, but no longer am
They invade my mind and I scream
But there is no one to hear me now
I can't see them
But I can feel them
They are all around me now
I leave this crypt I used to call my own and join them in there imperative state of hatred
We search for those weaker than us and we feed as I have fed on them and them on I
Farewell to all those beneath me
For you and I will meet one day
And that day will be as malicious as the day you fell from our world to yours
One day
I promise you this
Your time will surely come
And there you will stand before me
In the twilight hours of your life and you will become a part of my carnage
Heeding no warning from anyone as I was once like you
A human being
A shattered shell
A lifeless form

All lyrics were written by Ian Black/Bloodstain. All Nilshiphter music by Ian/Bloodstain
a.k.a. Emotionally Deceased Music/Scarification Music


Stay one step ahead
Be better than the best
Hellfire and Damnation
put your METAL to the test
Blasting through your head
We leave behind the dead
Never looking back

Bigger, faster, louder, harder
This is a case of sonic murder
Exploit temptation
Encourage lust
Bring the violence
Turn you all to dust

I feel no guilt
for what I've done
I'll never stop
until we've won

Perpetual machine of filth and fury
Forge ahead without a worry

Lex Talionis, the law of the jungle
KILL or be killed
So it is written
So shall it be done


Lyrics/vocals by Bloodstain

sometimes I feel like I should have died
but I'm alive just feeling dead on the inside
I've seen, seen the world thru hopeless eyes
I see, see the world thru violent eyes
lived fast, spiraled out of control
spit off the edge when there was nothing left to live for

saturated world of violence
serial killers are idols
tazed and confused feel theres nothing else to lose
generation nowhere and theres nothing we can do

living to learn
learning to love
loving to hate
living to learn
learning to love
loving to hate

a fucking number products of environment
living lives and knowing they amount to shit
desensitized by the all around me
corrupted by the lives that surround me

hate to learn
hate to live
hate to love
love to hate
hate to learn
hate to live
hate to love
love to hate

saturated world of violence
serial killers OUR idols
tazed and confused feel theres nothing else to lose
generation nowhere and theres nothing we can do

dissatisfied when I open my eyes
force fed repressed force fed repressed
dissatisfied when I look around what I see
close my eyes sew eyes they're still all around me

lyrics and music by Ian Black.

The undead walk all through the night
They're hunting for you
No use to hide

Hungry for your flesh
They'll take your breath
Tear the meat from bone
'till only blood is left

When Hell is full,
they'll walk the earth
That time is here
They're coming for you!

Hungry for your flesh
They'll take your breath
Tear the meat from bone
'till only blood is left

They never get their fill
Always more to kill
Hunger drives them on
Until you're all gone

Hungry for your flesh
They'll take your breath
Tear the meat form bone
'till only blood is left


Now is the time
This is the hour
This is the Magick
This is the power

You have no idea
of what we have begun
You cannot comprehend
the horrors we have done
This is symbolic of a
deeper psychosis
This is symbolic of a
deeper neurosis

Our time has come
Your end is near
This is the end
that you all fear

A modern day symbiot
infused with electricity
A cybernetic Satanic entity
Deliver us from your ridiculous hypocrisy
This is the distinction between you and divinity

When all is said
and all is over
Our booted feet
will trample you down
We will walk upon your corpses
We'll bathe in your blood
This is an infection that
can't be undone
This all of your collective
fears combined to one
throbbing pulsing menace
this cannot be undone
It's a symbol of your sickness
It's a sinthetik delusion
this is the only logical conclusion


You don't know when to shut your mouth
Some battles aren't worth fighting
You don't know when to walk away
Some things aren't worth dying
You should have fucking done as you're told
If you don't want to end up crying
You're gonna meet the back of my hand
if you don't stop that goddamn whining

I'm sick of hearing your shit
Don't be such a fucking little bitch
Why don't you cry about it somewhere else?

What makes you think I care?
You'll never get anywhere
Get the fuck out of here
Why are you still alive?

What happend to natural selection?
How did you survive this long?
You should have been drowned at birth
Shit is all that you're worth
Get the fuck off my Earth
I don't even want to see you in hell

You're a waste of life, you should meet my knife
But you'd leave a mes that I'd have to clean up
You mean less than piss in a cup
This is meant to put you down
Don't wanna see you around
How many ways can I say it?

Never again, I wish never before
Don't want you to live anymore


I am darkness defined, blasphemy made flesh

I am he who has walked the spaces between worlds
I have tread upon the wings of angels
I have spilled the blood of Christ
and given the gift of sorrow
to all of his disciples

I am darkness defined, blasphemy made flesh

I am the silent fear that runs down your spine
The cause of the primitive instinct to run.

Sin in skin

I am of he who walks the Earth with the cloven hoof
The Great Horned Beast of Hell itself...


(lyrics by Bloodstain, vocals by Bloodstain/Ian)

Scars don't go away
and they don't really heal
I scarred myself for you
and you say "big deal"
I cut my skin, I liked you so much
I made myself bleed for a thing that would not be

Sleeping pills and bandages
Sedation and broken glass

When I had the blade in my hand
I was thinking of you
When the cuts bled through the sheets
I was dreaming of you
And when I talk to you months from now
It'll be a reminder of how you hate me now

Sleeping pills and bandages
Sedation and broken glass

I scarred myself for you

(Lyrics/vocals by Bloodstain)

I've come to take your life
I got this big fucking knife
I've cut, cut your veins, then mine
Somehow this evil's on my side
Hatred burns inside my brain
And now you're bleeding again

I can't think too straight
All I see is red
All I feel is hate

Fire burns out of control
This bitch is trying to save my soul
I've got one more round to go
I've got no one left to show
And now there's no turning back
Too many body parts to hack

I can't think too straight
All I see is red
All I feel is HATE


(lyrics by Bloodstain, vocals by Ian)

Black Eyes
Grey skies
Love for Lust
Love for Hate
Love for all those who have lost their faith
Loss of friends
Loss of brains
I lost the one who meant everything

I remember the day my heart turned black
I remember the day my soul turned cold

Red eyeliner
Razor blades
Shallow graves
You lost my trust
You gained my Hate
You lost some blood
You gained disgrace

I remember the day my heart turned black
I remember the day my soul turned cold

The needle slowly pricks the skin
A new release of the fluids within
A few more times and it will start
to reduce the supply to my frantic heart
My breath is shallow, my colour is pale
My vision has begun to fail
Time slows down as life seeps away
A new existance begins today
A numbing warmth all over turns cold
the world's grip on me loses hold
A numbing warmth all over slowly turns cold
I feel the world's grip begin to lose hold
(repeat 1st verse)
Total systemic shutdown
This was inevitable
it could not go on without consequence
Endurance tested, limits reached and surpassed

CONSCIENCE (this is your life)
I am here to show you what you're afraid to see
This is the horrible truth that you must face
I'll draw back the curtain of fantasy to reveal
what must really be
That desperate moment when you realize
that none of your precious dreams will never be real
This is what I'm here to show you
Your clever mind has lied to you
But all lies can be penetrated
for the light of truth must always shine through
This is your life
This is what you have wasted
Only one time around
It's yourself that's being cheated
Your house of cards is about to fall
Your convolutions were for nothing
The careful structure of fallacy is
crippled by my simple words
This is your life
This is what you have wasted
Only one time around
It's yourself that's being cheated
You should have listened to your conscience
Because now you're FUCKED!

THIS WAS YOUR LIFE (quickly ruined)

lyrics by Ian Black

You didn't listen, you didn't see

You haven't learned anything from me

You wasted my time

You ruined your life

Now it's all over

with the slice of a knife

This was your life, quickly ruined

This was your life, now it's gone

Consuming apathy has come over you

Even love of your friends could not get through to you

I saw you slipping away...

Further into your fantasy land

So sure you were right, but now you're holding Death's hand

This was your life, quickly ruined

This was your life, now it's gone

She lay there quietly, the most curious look upon her face,
Her eyes closed, breathing slowly, elegant with perfect grace.
No longer moving I held her in my arms...I could feel her getting colder
But there was nothing I could do. Soon she would be gone.
A late night tragedy, right before my eyes...every day someone dies,
but not like this. So calm, she rests. Her fingers curled around my hand,
her soft hair falling across her face. So unexpected, this terrible event.
Much too soon, I would be alone in this place....
Accidental transition, a shift of the light
My burning fire extinguished completely tonight
No use to try to fight, it's already too late
My fallen, shattered body- post exhanguinate
I have a slight case of death
With a sudden explosion my mind erased, my soul defaced,
a chalky outline of my body traced
All that I was, leaking through my skin
A vulgar exposure of my broken within
I have a slight case of death

Blackness, pure abject blackness, completely engulfs my body, my mind altering my perception
and staining my soul with overwhelming darkness. The once vibrant flowers of my life have long since wilted and receded into the withered stems that are all that I am...
Now here I am on my captive chair of apathy, trapped by my own spiraling madness, my being
searing with the flames of a deep sorrow in the totally black void that is everything.
Black is all there is and all that I am. Darkness Eternal.....
I want to dress you up in the colors of death: Black and white and blood all over. Hypnotic,
narcotic, seemingly vacant stare masks the true turmoil that rages within. A mind ravaged by
the experience that is life.
Your body still moves but I know you're dead inside. Your soul taken by happiness denied.
Corporeal existance, a prison of fashion the blood is still fresh.

We are locked in a slow but systematic decline. Mental brakes have been applied and a
slowing of evolution is the result. Idiocy, depravity and self depreciating behaviour has
become fashionable, a revoltingly and increaingly acceptable trend.
We are all prisoners on this planetary trash pile, unable to escape the stench of our own
filth. We are the facillitors of our own misery and eventual demise. "Common sense" has
become a non-applicable term to the general populace and the mere handful of people that
still have any are on the endangered species list.
Each day I struggle to hide my contempt for the moronic majority, trying relentlessly to
cram their phantom boogie-man, power drunk, abusing and deadbeat father figure they call
the Almighty and his over-rated and exaggerated son down my already sore throat.
People maim, torture and kill the innocent and the helpless and then have the gall to label
me as "evil"!!??!! If I am evil because I have my own mind and I am not afraid to use it and I
Live my life the way I choose to regardless of what outsiders' opinions are then SO BE IT!

I am the one, disaster in motion
The one you follow in fear
This is why, the reason you'll die
I am the one you can't resist
You look to me, and I turn away
But you can't stop and won't ever know why
You don't really want to know, so don't even ask why
Who I am, you would never understand
Things I do, I do for myself...not for you
I keep you blind, what I say is always true
The endless circle, the unbreakable chain
A trick of fate and now I reign
Follow, no questions into the fire
I am CHAOS and I am DEATH
I am the only choice that you have left
Control is mine, I am dominant
You want my love, but you know I can't
Only my anger is what you will find
With no remorse I will leave you behind
You don't really want to know, so don't even ask why
I am who I am, you would never understand
The things I do I do for myself...not for you
Now you're fucked and you know it's true

OPINIONS ARE LIKE ASSHOLES...(everyone has one, most of them stink and I don't want to hear yours!)
Muscles flex, nerves twitch
Convulsions - uncontrollably
Inside - to your eyes - insight
Can you feel my repulsion? Can you see my hate?
Can you know what I think of you? Can you know
it's too late?
Human musculature, broken down systems
All that I want I will take from you,
All that you have is nothing.
Fucking sheep! -commit suicide
-understanding nothing-
kill yourself, kill yourself
I want you to...
I cannot help you with your plight,
this is going to be a super-long night
Super-long, endlessly, endlessly, endlessly,
I will hear your plea for me, I will hear you calling to me.
But I will not obey, because I have something else to do...
Sit outside, sit outside, sit outside yourself
Take a look back, Take a look back at yourself.
It is sickening to behold,
The filth and the garbage that you are.
You're a stupid piece of shit!

A cure is needed for the plague of humans that infects this world!
Into the depths of your own hypocrisy
I shove your face, like a dogs' nose into shit
Even still you fail to realize that you're wrong
And continue to point at me
It's no burden, it's a release
To be a freak like me
I found your weak link
And severed it clean
I feel sorry for you - you can't even see that you're a slave

A newborn expression of pain:
My gateway is held open so that the two become one, an angry, confused grey force,
The sides have combined through a process of experiences, the light and the dark, now a twilight
entity that is the creation.
The creation of all that I know, all I percieve, all that I am. This feeling so intense,
pulsing, throbbing, burning through every inch of my soul. I am here now, the new one that wears the face of the one who has always been.
Hidden, the change undetected as always but it has happend, IS happening constantly. Never the same anymore. Always learning, growing, living in a new concept.
existing, existing, existing, never ending: the silver and the green, the yellow and the blood always infected with life, never ever over, regenerates, saturates all that there is, this feeling, this tragedy, the stone that is wet and broken
Severed by slavery and passion, this self inflicted metamorphosis, the twilight changeling still sticky with the fluids of the birth cycle, completes the circle again.
Imagined and real, mental and physical, the dream butterfly with kaliedoscope wings shows the path to the new way. The only way for me. Once again I am Beginning Infinity...

forgetting the things i don't want to see, i begin a search for the one who is of understanding. teach me the lessons i need to learn, the things that give me control in a balance, equal balance between myself and the other. TRUST! do not lie to me. ever. dishonesty, even if it is to spare my feelings will bring around anger faster than anything else.<thisistrue>
   do you want to see my ugliness?would you like me to show you the disaster i can become? are you afraid of the truth? the world seems to feed on things that are unpleasant. what is there to see within the opaque facade that i show you? things that shift without warning, impulsive thoughts that are barely, if at all, restrained. maybe something beautiful, a multifaceted changeling, unpredictable, passionate, morbid, and unbreakable. chaos. 3. order and control. checks and balances. unique. free. i have finally escaped my box of sorrow. rage was the key. my own inner strength broke the lock and burned the walls. never again will i allow myself to become captive to that damned chamber again. a frustration that grew until it could no longer be contained, a longing for freedom from my captive depression. {butnowihidebehindalie}at least i am happier now. but i'm still alone. maybe i always will be. i have done this to myself. i have been called cold, unemotional, unfeeling, shallow. (itsnottrue) i feel things very deeply, in fact. i just don't make a display of it. don't like it? i don't care. talk to someone else then. fuck off. [idontneedyou]

This place is so vacant...
I'm cold but I'm burning, I live inside you.
I once was a creature of innocence, alone and afraid of the violent world.
Beaten down on a daily basis for being who I am.
Go ahead and hate me. You can try to break me.
I want you to smile while I bleed.
I hope it makes you happy to see all the scars you've left me.
I'll always give you what you need.
I soon discovered I was stronger than you!
I stood up and knocked you down from above me,
now you look up and see me standing over you.
(repeat chorus)
I'm all alone, you've left me alone in the dark, so cold.
I'm cold but I'm burning with frustration inside.
This place is so vacant, without you-I died.

Help me to become a more efficient machine
Help me to get rid of my soul
I want to erase my emotions
Be free from the animosity I feel
I once was just like you
I lived a normal life
I released what was inside
Now this is what I have become
The static inside is just leftover insights
of a mind, no longer something that can be considered human
Relentless empty built up inside
No cares, no worries, no fears
No more love and no more hate
Make up my body of wires and steel
Hydraulics and electricity give me my life
Bury the old me in Hell


This is your last chance
This is the final warning
If you want out
You had better leave now